A Christmas At Wammy's
by NotSureWhatI'mDoing
Summary: It's Xmas time and our favorite Wammy boys are enjoying the season, but of course a few mishaps happen: Matt and Near are dared to kiss each other, Mello finds out that Matt and Near have feeling for each other! Please read! It's my first fic and I really want to know what people think! Rated M for Mel's mouth and MelloXMatt and NearXMatt, also some quite bad angst and deppression.
1. Mello In A Pear Tree

A Christmas at Wammy's

**A/N ** Hello Death Note fandom! I've been thinking about Christmas for awhile, as most people have with the holidays only a few days away! Well, mostly my Xmas thoughts have been about what our our favourite Wammy boys would think about this lovely season. Just a heads up, A LOT of Mello OOC and if you squint a little bit of MXM fluff. Rated T for Mello's mouth, fluff here and there and for security reasons just in case.

**Disclaimer- **I don't own Death Note, obviously.

**CHAPTER ONE- **A Mello in a Pear Tree

**Matt POV**

I'm woken up at 7am by the blonde haired, chocolate addicted, female bodied, hot tempered 14 year old I call my roommate. Okay, why? Normally, I don't wake up until 1 in the afternoon and Mello studies calmly until I wake up. Well, he could be building a Nuclear Bomb to drop on Near's head but I'm too zonked out to notice.

"Wake up Matty!" Mello yells as he jumps up and down on top of me, "It's Christmas!"

Oh shit, I forgot! I hate Christmas anyway, the whole season just makes me want to drive my cigarette through my head and end it all. What exactly is the point in wasting money celebrating the birth of some baby who didn't even exist? Mello has other ideas; he loves Christmas and the whole season of giving. He loves snow, being Russian. He loves Christmas day service at the church, being catholic. He loves all the chocolate, being Mello.

"Get up! Get up!" Mello screams in my ear, bursting my ear drum. I pray to Zelda that I'm not deaf. I really liked that ear, I could hear things using it. Could.

"Mell, five for minutes, please!" I moan back, muffled by the pillow I had placed over my head, either to drown Mello or to kill myself. I'm not quite sure yet.

"But Matty..." Mello pouts, I've never seen him pout before. It's kinda sexy.

"No!" I scream back at him, my almost endless patience finally reaching its limit, "Just go away!"

"Please Matt," Mello begs, he never begs. Now I know he really wants to see what "Santa" brought him. Mello doesn't believe in Santa. Probably. I think. Last Christmas, Mello dressed up as an elf as a dare, Mello never says no to a dare. Ever. He made me dress up too so he wasn't the only one looking like an idiot. Thanks Mells. A cigarette addicted, introverted, gamer elf? Seems legit.

I drag myself out of bed and immediately pull the duvet over myself. It's fucking freezing! I stare out of the window, my goggles giving the world a slightly odd, orange tinge. Snow covers the ground, the sky is a dull grey colour and the pond water had turned to ice over the night. The windows are frozen shut, a layer of ice slides off the roof as a flock of geese fly over. The evergreen trees stand their ground against Jack Frost, others have already surrendered. Some might call it beautiful; I just can't concentrate, it's too cold for that. Thank Zelda most criminals take a break around Christmas.

"Can we go now?" Mellow asks, I nod and we head for the door.

The corridors are just as cold, I swear I can see my breath even though it's inside. Mello seems to be enjoying himself, he breaths in testing how cold the air is. He's obviously comparing how cold England is to Russia. I can't imagine how cold it is in Russia, I don't really want to. I've spent enough time listing to Mello talking about how it can snow in the middle of summer in Moscow. Mello suggested that when we leave Wammy's we could go on holiday in Russia. If it's this cold in summer, I don't think so. I pull my Gameboy out of my jacket pocket, the jacket hasn't left my body since October and the Gameboy hasn't left my pocket since forever. I'm quickly engrossed in the game and Mello has to steer me down the corridors.

**Mello POV**

Matt barely notices as he almost trips down the first flight of stairs. I've had to put my chocolate away so that I can concentrate on making sure Matt doesn't kill himself while he's too busy playing what I think is Pokémon. I'm sure as hell that he would be happy to die playing his games. Well I sure as fucking hell wouldn't like him to die on Christmas day. Well, any day really. I don't want Matt to die, never ever.

We're not the first ones in the living room, 10 kids are already here. Plus the fucking albino sheep. He's sitting on his favourite spot on the floor, his hands rubbing together to warm himself up. I hope he starts a fire due to the friction, that would be the funniest thing. That would be the best Christmas ever. Linda's wrapped up in a blanket, kind of like a caterpillar. Her feet are covered with a pair of fluffy, over sized slippers that look like they could cook her toes off. Wimp. English people have no idea what the meaning of 'cold' really is. In Russia, it would be about -17 Degrease Celsius. If you step out of the door in Russia in the middle of winter then your toes would drop off in an instant. Moya mat' used to say 'Тис суровой зимы, когда один волк съедает другую. I've never seen any wolves eating each other in England, but in a Russian winter it's common to find a wolf carcass surrounded by their blood stained pack mates. English people have no idea what the meaning of 'cold' really is.

Matt curls by the fire, pulling the duvet tighter around himself. He goggles steam up due to the change of temperature. Matt can complain about the cold, he's the only one who's really allowed to complain about anything. Matt hates the cold, he spent three years on the street before coming to Wammy's, he got hypothermia and he would have died if Watari hadn't found him as soon as he had. Matt told me why he had been kicked out; his father had refused to let him stay after Matt came out as being gay. That bastard of a father kicked his own son out just because of the gender he likes. Thank God his father isn't here right now, or else he probably would have hated us both. Well, Matt doesn't get to sleep in his bed on his own most nights. If you know what I mean.

Rodger comes down the stairs, the rest of the Wammy students trailing behind him, a multicoloured train of pyjamas. He looks happy, which is a rarity. Mainly Roger's busy lecturing students on the advantages of behaving according to the rules. I'm normally the one being lectured, and of course Matt's there to back me up.

"How about we open the presents?"

So? You like it? Please review, it's my first fic and I hope people read it.

Translations: Moya mat'- my mother

'Тис суровой зимы, когда один волк съедает другую.- 'Tis a hard winter when a wolf eats another.

Okay, I used Google Translate because I do not know how to speak Russian. Got a problem with it? Don't really care.


	2. All I Want for Christmas is Matt

**A/N - **Thanks to my lovely reviewers, you guys are really awesome! Cometgirl2323, here's more for you! Just a heads up, I'm moving the rating up to M, for the scene right at the end of this chapter. Please don't skip to it, it won't make any sense if you haven't read the whole of the chapter. I've finished school until the 7th of January so I'll update sooner now! Enjoy, and MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY NEW YEAR.

**CHAPTER TWO- **All I Want for Christmas is Matt

**Near POV**

I open my present and thank Rodger for my new book: Physical Chemistry for Engineering and Applied Sciences. Mello thanks Matt for his present: some fancy chocolate. Mostly, Rodger just buys everyone on present and that's the end of it, but some buy presents for other students. Matt and Mello are two of the few that do this. Of course, Mello would never dream of spending money on anyone other than Matt.

Linda opens here present; it's a new sketch pad and some new drawing pencils. She thanks Rodger with a smile and pulls out a pencil so that she can draw straight away. I've never seen her without at least an A5 sketch pad and a HB pencil. She drew a picture of me once and I have to say that is was pretty good. Mello insisted she drew the picture of him again and again until he was finally happy.

Matt crawls back to his spot by the fire, his reddish-brown hair melting, leaving a puddle of water on the floor. His Gameboy is already turned on and the game is obviously more interesting than Christmas and the food that has been placed on our laps. In my opinion, Mince Pies do not make for a good and nutritious breakfast. Rodger carefully treads around Mello, not bothering to offer the blonde a Mince Pie. Matt shoves his pie on Linda's plate, his eyes never leaving the screen.

Matt's eyes are the most beautiful, haunting things I have ever seen. They're the glowing green of polished emeralds; unforgettable. I've only ever seen his eyes once, and once could never be enough. It was then, when I saw the beautiful orbs that Matt calls his eyes, that I realised that I had feelings for the shy gamer. Not that I have any chance of being with Matt, as he and Mello are already together. I can't understand how Mello can cope, seeing Matt's eyes everyday without exploding.

Linda and the rest of the girls get bored and make their way to go outside.

"Girls" Rodger calls after them, "It's too cold outside, stay inside please!"

"But Rodger!" A girl who's name I don't know moans, "Please!"

"No! You might hurt your selves!"

The girls clamber back to the sofa's and cushions, not stopping moaning for one second. Then Linda has an idea.

"Why don't we play Spin the Bottle?"

There's a chorus of agreement from the whole room, and the girls, a few boys, including Matt and Mello, form a small circle in the centre of the room. Linda reaches for an empty bottle of Dr Pepper and spins it around quickly. The tension is a little too high for a simple game of Spin the Bottle. I dislike this game, there's no way to actually win the game, so what's the point in it? Mello loves this game, I'm not sure why because it seems a little childish for his taste. The bottle points at Matt, causing a ruckus of laughter.

"Truth or dare?" Linda asks. Matt pauses for a second, then smiles and says:

"Dare." Linda laughs evilly, Matt's smile disappears.

"I dare you to kiss..." Linda pauses, obviously for effect, "Near!"

The girls scream wildly, but I barely notice. Kiss Matt? It seems too good to be true.

"No fucking way is he fucking kissing that fucking sheep!" Mello yells, his anger flaring up more than usual. Obviously. Mello is extremely protective of Matt, no one quite knows why but Mello is always a little strange.

"Okay then, if Matt doesn't kiss him then you have to!" Linda cackles, obviously enjoying this way too much.

"I'm not doing..."

"Go on then Matt!" Linda pushed the red haired boy towards me. He shrugs his shoulders and leans towards me, I can't read his eyes behind those annoying goggles. My breath freezes in my throat; I can't believe this is actually going to happen.

"It's just a kiss." He mutters, assuring himself.

He leans closer towards me. He pauses for one second, and then brings his lips to mine.

**Mello POV**

Matt and Near's kiss goes on too long. It's only a kiss Mello; it shouldn't get you this pissed. But it's frustrating how wistful Near looked just before the two kissed. All I see is Matt's back, I can't see whether he's enjoying this, I hope Near dies of embarrassment after this, that would be fun to watch. I check the clock above the fireplace, 10 seconds this kiss has been going on. 10 fucking seconds. I rush up and pull Matt of the sheep, he doesn't complain but I'm still not quite sure what Matt thought of that kiss. He turns and faces me; I can't read his eyes behind those damn goggles.

"That's enough." I growl at Near, he doesn't flinch. He looks happy. Too happy. Way. Too. Happy.

"Calm down dear, it's only a commercial!" Matt laughs, but it seems too forced for Matty, I can always tell when Matt is faking something, and right now he is the greatest Shakespearian actor of all. There's a glimmer of a smile on his lips, like he enjoyed the kiss when he shouldn't. I'm going to fucking kill the sheep.

"Don't you dare laugh about this," I hiss, why did Matt like it? I thought he hated Near as much as I did. No, wait, no he didn't. He never said anything about what he thought about Near, never said whether he liked or didn't like him. Matt never said anything. What if he likes Near!? No, that's not right, Matt would never do something like that ever. I hope.

"For Zelda's sake Mels!" Matt laughs again, he ruffles his hair and shrugs his shoulders, "You're such a baby sometimes!"

"Stop treating this like nothing!" I mutter, I snap a piece of chocolate off the bar with my teeth and stare the red-head down. He really doesn't get this. He has no fucking idea about anything!

"Mello, it's a little kiss, it doesn't mean anything unless you make a big deal out of it!" Matt stops laughing and stares back at me, I can't tell whether he's joking or being serious. I hate those goggles.

"You kissed him!" I yell at him, "How can that not fucking mean anything!"

"Mello, stop over reacting!" Matt yells back at me, he's never done something like this before, "I doesn't mean anything!"

Matt storms out, his red hair swaying uncontrollably. Anger radiates off him, every ounce of his being seems to be made of anger that I've never seen in him. I've never seen him angry before, just slightly ticked off. Why did I do that? Why did I make him angry?

"Mello you okay?" Linda comes up behind me, a hand is placed on my shoulder. I shrug it off, I don't want him bothering me right now.

"Hey, where'd Near go?" I swivel around and I can't see the white haired little sheep, where the hell did he go?

**Matt POV**

Stupid, stupid, stupid Mello! That kiss didn't mean anything, nothing. Did it? No. Yes. No. Yes. Oh, dear Zelda I have no idea! I never cared for stupid Near, never. But why did I love that kiss, why do I still feel his lips? Why can't I get him out of my head? This is so stupid, why am I taking this so seriously, it didn't mean anything!

"Are you okay?" I turn and see Near in the doorway, his eyes shining, his lips looking so... sexy. WHAT THE PANDORA?! "You stormed out pretty quick."

"I'm fine, just get out!" I scream and throw a pillow in Near's face. He lets it hit him and he simply walks over and puts it back on the bed.

"Matt..."

"What?!" I can't face him right now. Not now.

"Um..." He pauses, he stares at me like he wants me. I think I want him, I really want him. I want him RIGHT NOW.

"Please, just get to the point." I can't concentrate, all I can think of his lips on mine. I want him on top of me, I want him _inside _of me. I want his lips on mine again, I want him to take me and take me right now on the bed.

"I-I t-think-k I l-l-like you." Near stutters. Zelda, his stuttering is sexy. He smiles. He smiled. I've never seen him smile before. I like it.

"Same."

I force myself to say the truth, it hurts in my heart. He steps towards me, soon he's right in front of me. His breath is warm on my face, I take off my goggles. I want him to see how I feel, I want him to see _me_. He gasps, his eyes wide in surprise, I smile at him and reach out and touch his face, it's pale but nice. He reaches to my waist and pulls me closer. I look up at him, since when was he taller than me? (Okay, I know Near's shorter but I wanted Matt to be the girl in the relationship so just deal with it.) He comes closer still, if that's possible, I open my mouth and his breath is suddenly warming my tongue. His lips touch mine, he smells of old books, of wood and earth. When was he outside? Who cares!? This is wonderful, so wonderful.

Near makes towards the hem of my shirt, I don't go to stop him, I want this. My shirt is pulled over my head, my trousers disappear and so does his clothes. He slams the door shut with his foot and pushes my onto the bed and climbs on top of me. He looks at me from above, his white hair falling around his blue eyes that shine with the happiness that causes him to smile down at me. He kisses the nape of my neck, causing a moan to escape from my lips. My cock is slightly hard, he's just so damn sexy. I moan as kisses my collar bone, my chest and my hips. He pushes me up into a sitting position and starts touching my dick. I groan like an animal on heat. It quivers, wondrous pains shoot up my spine, I curve and moan.

The door slams open, the smell of chocolate slaps me right in the face. I stare at Mello, who stares back at me and Near with more fury than a pack of lions on testosterone. Near freezes up, he coughs uncontrollably, Mello growls in anger. He doesn't say anything for a long time, he simply stares.

"What the fucking hell are two doing?"

**A/N - **What you think? This is the first lemon I've ever written and it took me like an hour to write it! I didn't write that bit at school, especially with my boyfriend sitting right next to me. That would get awkward. I wanted to do a Matt and Near fic, because well, there aren't as many as I wished there would be, I think those two would make a good couple!


	3. Last Christmas, I Gave Matt My Heart

**A/N-**I literally came up with this whole chapter in the middle of my church service yesterday. This chapter is basically Mello being REALLY, EPICLY DEPRESSED! Beware, lots of depression, suicidal thoughts and stuff like that. I'm not forcing you to read it, I'm not forcing you to read Mello crying and wanting to kill himself. This is here because I wanted to write Mello feeling another emotion other than hanger (hunger, anger). And it's just a great moment to write angst. Oh, I love angst.

**Chapter Three- **Last Christmas, I Gave Matt My Heart

**Mello POV**

"What the fucking hell are you two doing?"

I freeze, Matt freezes the naked sheep fucking Matt freezes. No, Dear Merciful Lord, this can't be happening. It's okay Mello, it's a dream, a nightmare, THIS IS NOT FUCKING HAPPENING! But, it is happening. This isn't a dream or a nightmare, this is reality, and reality just bitch slapped me pretty hard. Everything blurs for a second, the world turning a blood red the walls crumbling down around me. Near is going to pay.

"Let me..." Matt starts, but I cut him off by throwing a glass bottle at the ceiling. It rains down, some lands in Matt's hair but I don't fucking care. His eyes explode with sadness. Wait, his goggles are off. Matt let the sheep see his eyes... FUCK IT! Now I know what Matt thinks of the bastard, Matt's eyes are our little secret, my gift and my gift alone. _Not anymore_, a voice in my head laughs. Matt's turned me mad, well that's just fucking great!

"No, don't you dare!" I scream and somehow regret it. I know Matt hates yelling, I know it reminds him of his father.

"Please Mells, just let me explain!" He cries, silver tears sliding like waterfalls down his checks, damn him to hell.

"Просто заткнись! Я нихера не волнует, что вы думаете! Вы можете пойти и ебет себя! Подождите, у вас есть Near для этого не так ли? Просто идите умирать в яме!" For a moment I forget that no one else in the God forsaken place knows a word of Russian, I'm the only one who knows what the hell I just said. Thank the Lord, I just told Matt to die. I'm sorry about that one little thing, but not the rest of it.

"Mello, let's talk about this." Matt begs as he pulls on his clothes, covering the naked body that used to be mine, but is now Near's.

Don't cry Mello, for the love of God, don't you dare fucking cry!

"No." I announce, my voice turning monotone to hide my emotions, "Hurry up, we're going to church."

I stalk out, ignoring Matt. Don't care, don't want to care. Won't care. I rush into the bathroom, and finally break down. Tears fall down onto the sink, sobs force their way up my throat and out into the lonely world I just found myself in. Everything seems so dark, so empty now that Matt has gone. Why? Why did Matt, of all people, have to betray me just like everyone else? What am I meant to do now? It's like my world has crumbled down into nothingness, leaving me all alone with only the dark for company. Gone is Mello, all I am now is the pathetic Miheal Keehl that no one loves or talks to. Well he doesn't want to talk to anyone. Not now, not ever. I stare at the locked draw of pills and medicine that's a lot stronger than a bit of asprin. It wouldn't be too hard to break into it, a simple hair pin would suffice if you knew how to use it, it would be so simple to break open a bottle of pills and end it all.

I hear knocking on the door but choose to ignore it; I can't face anyone right now, not in the state I'm in. The knocking continues, but everything seems so unimportant, the world doesn't seem real and it's like my feet aren't planted firmly on the floor. It's like I'm floating; not half, not whole, not Mello. Matt stripped my away from myself, leaving nothing but a pile of bones that once used to be Mello, bones that held love for the beautiful red haired gamer.

No more. I can't love him anymore, he belongs to another. Not me. I can't hate him for loving someone else, it is in human nature. It's not like you can only ever love one person, that's not how it works in the slightest. You simply love one after another; until you find that one person that means the whole world to you and makes the others seem like a tiny grain of sand compared to a whole mountain. I obviously wasn't Matt's mountain, but he was mine. A year, that's all it took to fall erratically in love with him; he was everything I wanted. He challenged me, completed me, loved me back. Or so I thought, but it was obviously not what he wanted. He wanted the fucking sheep!

Images swirl in my brain; Matt and Near laughing, holding hands; them kissing with more passion that Matt and I; me all alone watching them being happy together while filled with regret. Everything disappears as I punch open the cabinet and crack open a bottle of pills. I stare at the pearly white plastic that will hopefully be the end of me; the world no longer cares for me. And I no longer are for the world, I no longer want to see the light of day, I no longer want to exist. This is it, the end of Mello, Miheal Keehl, the end of me. I pick up one pill, stare at it for a moment and shove it down my throat. Then repeat. I choke on this one, unable to swallow it and it dissolves. It leaves a nasty, bitter taste in my throat that makes me want to be sick. Life makes me want to be sick.

**A/N** **- ** Okay, I know it's short but I really wanted to single this moment out. Like, dislike? First angst, I love angst and I've tried my best to make this good for you, my lovely readers. Please review, I want to know what you all think of it! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! Have a lovely Christmas tomorrow!


	4. Two Loverboys and a Mello In a Pear Tree

**A/N- **AND I'M BACK! Sorry for the late update, but I was distracted by Death Note complete anime I got on DVD for Christmas! But you've got a longer chapter to make up for it. I'm going to be using A LOT of English terminology in this chapter, because, amazingly, I'm English just like our little Wammy boys. Don't understand any of the words? Find and English dictionary online, ask me, just don't complain about it. I'm English, I'm going to speak English. Duh... Please review, I love reviews. They make me happy.

**Disclaimer- **I don't own Death Note, or else L, Matt, Mello and Soichrio Y wouldn't be dead. Forgot to put these in. Oops...

**CHAPTER FOUR- **Two lover boys and a Mello In a Pear Tree

=Sorry for the awful title, it was all I could come up with=

**Matt POV**

I've been knocking on the door for a while now, no answer. I have no idea what Mello is doing in there, but by the sounds of it, it's not good. I'm such an idiot, for the love of Zelda, why did I do that? Why did I hurt Mello like this? Why did I do that? I knock one more time, wait and there's no answer. That's it, I'm breaking down the door. Living on the streets for a long time teaches you a lot of things; how to steel without being caught, how to hide from the police. How to break down a door without destroying it. I kick just above the lock; the door slams open with a loud bang.

I stare at the blonde that I hope still loves me, his blue eyes wide open with surprise, his mouth making a little _o _shape. I stare at the mess he's become. His beautiful eyes are rimmed with red from crying, his body seems a little shaky, which is odd. Then I understand why. A white pill rolls towards me, I stare at the floor these little pills are everywhere. There's an open bottle of pills on the edge of the sink, what is left of a mug of water is scattered on the floor.

No no no no no no no no no no no no! I can't have driven Mell to... to _this_! Mello is meant to be strong, why, why would he do this? Wait, no. Why would I have driven him to this?

"Mello?" I ask, he's frozen like a statue. Everything about him has gone solid, ice, rock, "How many of those have you had?"

"Matt..." Mello trails off, he looks around at the bathroom, looks at the mess he had made, "I... three..."

"It's okay Mell." I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his shaking frame, "It's going to be okay."

"Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"Get the fuck away from me!" Mello pushes me away, I stare blankly at him, "You, you bastard!"

"Mello, please," I beg, he flinches for a second but composes himself quickly, "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

"You think you can just come in here and ask for forgiveness?" Mello laughs a harsh laugh between screaming, "Well, I'm not going to forgive you! You let him fuck you up the arse, explain that! I thought you loved me!"

"Mello I still love you!" I yell back at him, he stares in surprise. He doesn't believe me. I didn't expect him to, but I still have to try. I calm myself, "Mihael Keehl, I still love you. Please, just try and understand, what happened with Near was an accident. I was confused, that kiss just made me curious. I couldn't control myself, I hate myself so much for hurting you. I hate myself so much right now, I wish I could take it back, I really do. Please just try and understand, I'm sorry. So, sorry."

"How can I understand?" Mello asks, his voice as cold as it is outside, "_I'm _sorry, but I can't forgive you."

"Mello, please." I beg again, I hope this works, "I love you. Near was just a lapse in control, it will never happen again, I promise! It's just..."

"It's just what!?" Mello screams in my face, I fight back the tears. I don't know how to tell him, I wish I knew how to tell him. I want to tell him, but I don't want to tell him.

"Mello, I'm bipolar."

"Wait what?" Mello stares at me, I can see disbelief in his eyes and something else, "But what the hell has that got to do with anything?"

"I'm severely bipolar and I'm in one of my "manic" phases." I start, he gestures for me to continue, "It means I can't focus on one thing, I act differently than normal. I make decisions that are harmful just for the sake of it, I do things that have disastrous consequences. I get easily distracted; I do things without thinking of what will happen. I don't mean to hurt people, but I do and I'm so sorry."

"Really?" Mello asks hesitantly, not sure whether I'm being truthful.

"You can ask Rodger if you want, I promise I'm telling the truth. Please take me back."

"Okay, I believe you."

He pulls me towards him, his body still slightly shivering. Maybe it's too cold even for a Russian. His breath warms my soul more than his body warms my body. We stand there for a long time, with anyone else it would have been awkward, but with Mello it seems so natural. We don't pull away until Rodger calls to us up the stairs. I glance at the clock, it's half 9, we're being forced to go to church. Mainly for the teacher's, and Mello's, benefits. But we're all forced into the freezing stone building every year without being given another option. Dear Zelda, I wished we had another option.

**Mello POV**

Matt and I climb into the coach and find the last two seats, thank God they're together. I checked with Rodger about what Matt had said about being bipolar, he was telling the truth. I didn't think he would lie about something like that, he was never good at lying. He fucking sucked. Near stares at us both together again, his mouth wide open in surprise. I give him my signature death stare and his mouth snaps closed again. Good. Near's a wanker, he can go fuck himself and leave off my Matty.

Matt and I sit down, our fingers find each other and latch together automatically. I stare at the red-head, his eyes are closed in peace and comfort. Bipolar. Matt is bipolar. It makes sense now, his mood swings, the fact that sometimes he can't sit still enough to turn on his Gameboy. What makes me the most upset is that he never told me. It's not that he slept with the sheep, not that he betrayed me, but that he never told me. I love him, and I'll be there for him what happens. Because, no relationship is perfect, and definitely not ours. The ride is quiet, Matt has fallen asleep and the rest of the students have been reduced to whispers and mouthed words by a couple of death stares; I don't want them to wake my Matty up.

=Religious symbols, prayers and stuff like that now, don't read if you're going to get offended. The church and the priest are both based on my church. I wish Mello went to my church, which would be awesome=

The coach rolls to a stop outside the church. You can barely see the stone building through the trees; the clock chimes five times, signalling that the service will start soon. A few people rush in quickly before us, knowing that once we're seated, there won't be many seats left. Rodger silences us, not that we're being very loud. Most people are dead on the feet, sleep walking or being dragged into the building by their friends. Matt doesn't need to drag me into the building. I walk in with pride, my rosary displayed proudly, my head held high. I know that a rosary is mostly Catholic, but I don't really care. It doesn't matter, no one who's actually religious cares about that kind of thing. Anyway, Catholics are too strict.

We take our seats just as the priest, Jan Walkerdine, starts the service. She wishes us all a merry Christmas, and introduces the first song: God Rest Yea Merry Gentlemen. The rest of the service is mostly cheerful, with a reminder of Jesus' sacrifice in the middle during the Eucharist. I stare at the marble statue of Jesus on the cross the whole time, already knowing what the priest is going to say. I love that statue, it's so... beautiful. Yes, beautiful. I'm one of the seven people from the Wammy group who go up for Communion, the other six are teachers. I thank the priest with an 'Amen' and go back to my seat. I listen to the choir, I know them all by name: Tammy, Molly, Thomas, Emma, Joan, Rita, Heather, Dr Harrington (he's the one adult I show respect to), Alan and Roy. Thomas and Emma are only 10, somehow they're more alive than the whole of Wammy's combined.

"Let us pray with confidence, as our saviour has taught us." Jan calls.

I clasp my hands together in prayer. This may surprise most people, but I always pray in Russian, especially the Lord's Prayer. I know nothing else. I learnt the Lord's Prayer off by heart as a child, and I guess it's like riding a bicycle; you never forget.

"Отче наш, Иже еси на небесех

Да святится имя Твое

Да приидет Царствие Твое, да будет воля Твоя,

На земле, как на небе

Дайте этот день хлеб наш насущный,

И прости нам наши tresspasses,

Как мы прощаем тех, кто против нас вреда

И не введи нас в искушение,

И доставляем нас от зла,

Ибо Твое есть Царство, и сила, и слава

Навсегда

Аминь."

Matt stares at me, though I was speaking quietly, he obviously has the hearing of a hawk. I was speaking in Russian, so? I speak Russian all the time, mostly in private but its second nature to me. Just it's a second nature that people don't know of. The rest of the service goes by in a flash, the songs are sung on autopilot, except one. On the last song, Hark the Herald Angels Sing, Matt starts singing. His voice is full of emotion, feeling and something else I can't name. I've never heard something so beautiful, it's wonderful, terrifying and entrancing all at the same time. It reminds me of the time L took us to see _Les Miserables_, Matt's voice reminds me of when the actor playing Jean Valjean sang _Who Am I? _So full of hurt, emotion and power. I'm going to get him to sing to me when we get back to Wammy's, I want to hear this voice over and over and over until I die from wonderment.

When the song ends, I groan inwardly because Matt stops suddenly, as if remembering where and who he was. We trail out of the church in the same kind of fashion we arrived in, everyone seems even more tired than before. Some kids thank the church for being so fucking stupid, some simply ignore the fact that they were ever there. I hate kids sometimes; they're all so... obnoxious. Like the fucking sheep.

Near walks alone, no one goes to talk to him and he doesn't go to talk to anyone else. He's always been such a loner, now he knows that Matt will never be his, and Matt will always be mine.

That's it.

Matt will always be mine.

There go! Hope you liked it! I wanted to get them back together, but I needed a valid reason for it, and this is what I came up with. Wow, I didn't need to do much research about being bipolar, because I'm slightly bipolar myself, but if I got anything wrong or didn't go into enough detail or explained it well enough, please review or PM me. Feedback for this would be awesome.


	5. I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

**A/N- I'm sorry for the late update, but my computer charger was eaten by my dog and I had to save up and buy one. They're like £50 so, it took awhile. Well, this is the last chapter, there will be a epilogue but this is the last official chapter. Love you guys! So, thanks for reading so far! Maybe I'll start writing the epilogue after I post this? Yeah, that's what I'm going to do.**

**I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas**

**Matt POV**

After dinner, Mello and I go for a walk around Winchester out of sheer boredom. There's only so long you can listen to Rodger ranting about the true meaning of Christmas. Mell did insist that we stay and listen to L's Christmas Speech. It's kinda like the Queen's Speech, but for Wammy kids. So it's less old woman and Olympics and more super detective and Olympics. I'm not sure which one is more boring to be honest. Mello would kill me if he could read minds. Dinner was... awkward to say the least. Rodger put me next to Mello, thank Zelda but put Near right opposite us. I tried to ignore Near, but Mello spent to whole time growling at Near and swearing under his breath. I concentrated on my turkey.

We walk hand in hand, Mello grabbed mine after like two seconds and I simply didn't let go. Story of my life. I've calmed down and can actually think straight. Thank Zelda. It's too cold, even my white jacket wasn't enough, I forced us back so I could fetch my gloves and coat. And to warm my penis up. I didn't have one at first, it jumped up inside of me the moment I stepped outside. I frigging hate the cold. I hate the cold so much that I wished I lived in Africa; it's warm. But I might get eaten by a lion. That wouldn't be fun.

I freeze, Mello looks at me funny but his expression changes to one of sadness when I gesture to the homeless man to the right of us. I feel so sorry for him, I know just how hard it is to live like that, especially around Christmas. I sucks, end of. I dig in my pockets, trying to find what little money I have left. Mello's chocolate didn't come cheap. I stare at the coins in my hand; two pounds, a fifty pence and three tens: £20.80. It may not sound like much but 2 quid literally saved my life once. Don't judge. I was just like the man and his dog. Just minus the dog. I walk up to him, he looks slightly baffled and confused. His hair is uncut, his beard unshaved and his dog unfed. I feel sorry for him, I hate the feeling of knowing what faces him if the weather continues like this. I hand the £2.80 to him and he smiles gratefully. I look back at Mello, who's head is tilted in question. I'm not done yet.

"It gets better," I tell him, "Trust me."

With that I walk over to my leather-clad lover. I take back his hand and we continue walking for an hour. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don't. I couldn't care less. I'm just glad he's here, glad that he trusted me after what I did. Man, I hate myself soooooo much right now. Doctors might say that it's not my fault, that it's just a reaction to Bipolar Disorder. I don't believe them, deep in my heart I know that it's my fault and no doctor could change that. I wouldn't blame him if Mello walked out now, if he left me and told me to go to hell. I wouldn't blame him because I know it's my fault. I don't want to hurt him again, I know it's going to be hard but I _never _want to make Mello feel that bad again or ever. I don't want to drive him to a bottle of pills.

Mello stops us at the park on the bridge ; it's where we first kissed, where Mello asked me out and where we went on our first date. It's my favourite place in the whole wide world. Nowhere else can compare. It's old, the wood is splitting and the paint is only just red. It goes over a little river that's frozen at the moment and covered in a blanket of white snow. I don't envy the fish. The birds can't be heard, but I know they're there, it's just like happiness. Or glass. You simply have to change the way you think and it's right there. My hands start shaking, I need a smoke but I think it might spoil moment.

"Need a cig?" Mello asks, holding a carton of fags towards me, "I can tell you want one."

"Thanks," I take one and light it with my Pokemon Lighter. I'm a nerd and proud of it.

I breath in the stuff that will probably kill me, but it calms my shaking hands. But it doesn't calm my shaking heart. Today I fucked up pretty bad, drove Mello to attempted suicide and sang for the first time in four years. I used to sing all the time, before my dad kicked me out, with my mum. She loved singing, she used to say that if you sang loud enough then you can drown out the rain. I still believe her to this day. She's long gone now, buried 6ft under and rotting. When she died I stopped singing. It was like the whole reason I did it was stripped away from me painfully without mercy. But Hark the Herald Angels Sing was her favourite, she sang it all year round, adding her own verses and descants and different melodies. Turning it into a jumble of music that still sounded beautiful. She couldn't sing it today, so I sang extra loud for both of us. I know Mell heard me and I think he wants me to sing again but I could be wrong.

I look at Mell, he stares up towards the sky where snow is still falling from. His blonde hair falls down his back liquid gold and his ice-blue eyes send chills down my spine. His black clothes stand in contrast, but still match him perfectly. I could never imagine Mello in anything other than his shiny, black leather that makes him look like model. His breath is visible due to the cold, I can tell he's enjoying this weather, I can tell he wants to go home back to Moscow but I know he can't until we finish at Wammy's. Everything about Mello radiates danger, but if you got to know him properly then you would find that he's kind and caring and wonderful. Well he is to me.

"Matty?" Mello asks, I turn to him in acknowledgement, "What if I told you that I'm not safe."

"I would tell you I didn't care because I love you," I reply, he seems so insure, so...scared. Mello is never scared.

"I'm not safe Matty," Mello starts, trying not to trip up, "I grew up in the mafia, not those kiddie ones, but the actually mafia with killing people and stuff. When I was eleven; I couldn't take it anymore. L found me and took me here when he realised I was smart, but he knew the dangers. I disobeyed orders, not only that but the mafia boss was my father. He's never gonna stop looking for me Matty, I bring danger where ever I go, and I don't want you to..."

I don't let him finish, I crash my lips into his, stopping him short. He looks at me, puzzled and a little shocked.

"Miheal Keehl," I use his real name gaining myself blue eyes wide in shock, "I don't care if you're dangerous, I don't care if your Batman. I don't care if you tell me you're the leader of Team Rocket! You know why? Because I love you! So why would you even think the fact that I might die might stop me loving you? Mello, I've been dead before, not actually dead, but dead inside. I was dead until the moment I found out you were my roommate. I didn't even care when you started beating me up, because I knew I already loved you."

"Really?" Mello shakes his head, "But I thought..."

"You thought wrong." I interrupt him, I don't want him thinking like this, "I love you, Miheal."

"I love you too Mail." Mello replies, before he pulls me into a kiss. It's smothering, free, lustful and innocent all at the same time.

"Hey Matt?" Mello asks as he pulls away from me too soon, "When we're older, promise me one thing."

"What?" I tilt my head in question, what a strange thing to say.

"That we get married on Christmas Eve." Mello says, I know he's not joking because I've been able to read his eyes.

"You asking?" I laugh, he laughs too, "Because I think marrying at fourteen is a little illegal."

"Yes, I'm asking," Mello scoffs, "In advance. An engagement to be engaged."

"Then yes," I laugh, "When you ask I will say yes."

Mello pulls in for another kiss, I answer hungrily. I want him for my own, I want him for everything he was and everything he is and everything he will be. I want his heart and his soul and his mind until I burst open with love.

"Okay then, I have a request." I add after a minuet of wanted indecent exposure.

"Anything," Mello takes my hand.

"You be my Trainer boy." I reply sheepily, knowing just how geeky that sounds.

"And you be my Pikagirl," Mello suppresses a laugh, "I love you Matty."

"Love you too Mells."

We turn and look across the frozen river. Everything is quiet and perfect and wonderful. We stay until the sun starts setting and the moon comes out to play. We stay until the stars wake up and until the inky abyss of night covers the world in darkness. The snow continues falling slowly, but somehow the cold doesn't bother me. Mello's hands warm me up from the inside out, his breath calms my shaking heart and everything about him makes me want to sing in joy. I stare up at the sky, wishing to be up there with Mello and my mum. I want to be up there away from the horrors of this world, away from the darkness that follows my heart. I want to be up there where I don't fuck things up and where everything makes sense. But with Mello standing right next to me, the world seems like a better place, the world seems lighter and less scary. Mello is like my own personal sun, brightening up the world where darkness rules.

Whoa... Deep... Where in Zelda's name did that come from? I've never been soppy like that before, normally I'm shyer gamer and less soppy gay poet. Wait; make that shy gay gamer and less soppy poet. Oops. Okay, moving on... Mello shakes his head, sending snow flying everywhere. I laugh, he laughs, I swear the stars are laughing too, but that's not possible. So much for being a genius. The clock chimes eleven, only an hour left of Christmas. Not that I really care, my feelings towards Christmas have been made perfectly clear.

"Oh, I forgot." Mello digs into his bag and takes out a purple box and gives it to me, "Merry Christmas Mail."

I open it under Mello's scrutiny, I take out a blue draw-string bag and open it. I take out a metal ring shaped in an oval. I stare at it, I can't believe this.

"Is that a Cock Ring?" I ask, staring at Mello, who smiles at me

"Yeah, we have to try it out though." Mello implies, he takes my hand and starts walking us towards Wammy's. I know what he wants, and I want it sooooo much. I don't care that I'm exhausted and that my feet hurt, I just keep walking and walking until we reach our room. The three hours flew by.

"I love you so much Mail Jeevas." Mello breathes as he reaches for my trousers

"I love _you _so much Miheal Keehl."

I think I'm beginning to like Christmas.


	6. Epilogue

Christmas Eve.

Mello stood on the balcony of his hotel after his wedding. It had been wonderful, everyone from Wammy's had come all the way to Russia to see them, it had also snowed, much to Mello's delight. The wind made his blonde hair fly around his face, blocking out the beautiful view of his hometown of Moscow. He loved the city right now, it had never seemed so wonderful, never seemed so lovely. And he knew exactly what made it seem so perfect. More like who.

"Hey Mello?" Matt came up behind him and wrapped his thin arms around his leather clad body, "Why are you out here?"

"Just looking at the stars." Mello replied, pointing at the sky.

"There aren't any stars Mells!" Matt laughed, pointing at the invisible stars, "Why do people call you a genius?"

"Because I am a genius Matty." Mello chuckled, loving the feel of Matt's ringed finger on his chin, "I love you, you know."

"Yeah, I love you too." Matt kissed Mello's neck in tenderness.

The two stared out over the snow covered city. Lights twinkled across Moscow, songs could be heard from below as people celebrated the upcoming Christmas day. Everything was eerie, the whole moment gave a kind of fairytale feeling. The lights replaced the stars that the two couldn't see, the snow was like a blanket of peace. Neither of them felt cold with the other by their side, with their fingers locked together and their bodies linked together. The two men loved each other more than they thought humanly possible, even after twelve years together (from twelve until their marriage when Mello was 24) they found ways to surprise each other.

Mello had asked for Matt's hand in marriage when Mello was twenty and Matt was 19. The two waited three years until they got married; they waited until they found a flat, and then when they found a house in Russia. When they both found jobs, Mello working as the Head of the Russian Police and Matt was running a small gaming shop called_ Holy Zelda. _Matt had taken three classes before he was fluent in Russian. They had been in Russia for two years now and they were both respected members of society. Mello had never known that Russia could be so accepting of a gay couple.

"Mello?" Matt asked his husband, "Can we go inside now?"

"Yeah," Mello picked up Matt in bridal style, and carried his lover onto their bed.

"I love you Mells," Matt muttered in Mello's ear as he dragged his lover down with him

"Love you too." Mello replied.


End file.
